Sunday, October 31, 2004

According to Media Matters for America, Pundits [are] spin[ning] Osama tape for Bush. I don't think it is spin. Here's why:

Americans, generally, are pretty fucking ignorant and more than a few of them are down right stupid.

Hear ye, hear ye! If you are a Bush supporter, fuck off. I hate you. You are a vile piece of shit. (As opposed to the unvile pieces of shit. OK. I shouldn't have said vile. That sort of goes without saying.)

My rage would be far more righteous if I thought Kerry were more than the slightest tad better than Bush, of course. Still. I don't hate Kerry supporters. They are well intentioned, at least.

We are in Hindenburg v. Hitler territory right now. I shit you never.

EDITED to fix a typo and to say that I despair.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Dead or Alive?

Bin Laden seems to be Alive.

I must say I'm glad to hear from him. He cleared up something for me, namely the whole "Osama Bin Laden was behind 911" thing. As a skeptic of all things governmental, I was not prepared to plant my flag on that one, but now I'll give Johnny Law credit for having gotten that one right.

Unlesssssss . . . . Osama may now just be taking credit for something he didn't really do, but six of one.

In any event, BOO! Happy almost Halloween!

Friday, October 29, 2004

I don’t know how it is playing in country, but I can easily imagine that Rudy Giuliani is being castigated by all sorts of people for having suggested that US soldiers may have been the ones who fucked up on the missing explosives issue and that, ultimately, the responsibility may lie with them.

The funny thing is, it has been fascists like Giuliani who have banged the “How DARE you criticize OUR troops?!?!?” drum for the past 25 years.

To borrow from They Might Be Giants (“Stand on Your Own Head”), Rudy has made my day and now he has to sleep in it.

I hope he, and by extension, Dubyah, gets beaten to a pulp with his comments.

Ironically, he may very well be right. It may indeed have been some of the “troops” (anyone from CENTCOM down to squad level) who fucked this up. God knows they fuck things up all the time (Abu Ghraib?). But in George Bush’s America, you aren’t supposed to say that, so let’s let em stew in this latest hypocritical broth.

This is as good a time as any to say that I consider anyone from non-coms up to the top to be perfectly capable of being held responsible for anything that happens as a result of their command decisions. That’s why Calley was at least partially responsible for Mei Lai, and why SSgt. Fredericks (?) was at least partially responsible for Abu Ghraib. And furthermore, the “I was just following orders” defense should hold no water in cases of atrocities (see the Nuremburg precedents).

But ultimately? I’d like to hold Bush responsible for it all, as he is the final authority.

So there is turmoil fear[ed] as Arafat leaves for urgent treatment. Turns out, the poor old dude has an extremely rare disease which only strikes certain elderly and influential men.

The disease is called "fuckthisshititis", and tends to manifest itself near the end of a long and troubled career as a business or political leader.

There is an excellent hospital in Paris which specializes in treating such men called "L'Hopital d'Exile". There, doctors funded by the Duvalier Family Endowment and the Sihanook Trust ensure that such gentlemen die in peace and opulence, untroubled by events in their place of origin.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

THIS, I think, is EXCELLENT. Funny cuz it is true, and sad for the same reason.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Say what you will about Dubyah (except that he is a good president in any way), the man has charisma.

In fact, charisma is probably the chief reason he came close to getting more votes than Gore in 2000. Charisma is very clearly one of the main things he's had going for him through all the ups and downs of his policies and world events.

So who do the Democrats nominate to run against him?

I know that it is hardly unusual for former political bigwigs to get trotted out in support of their party's guy, but there is something particularly tragicomic about Bill "I'm Having Chest Pains" Clinton's ride to Kerry's rescue.

Maybe what I'm noticing is the juxtaposition of Kerry, one of the least charismatic big time politicians I've ever seen, basking in the glow of the Sun King.

Clinton, Carville, and Edwards are going to have to drag Kerry across the finish line.

If I thought, by the way, that Kerry marks the start of a new, more sober trend in political discourse I would be all giddy. I figure he's a fluke, though, who slipped through because the Smart Money didn't think Dubyah could lose this year.

Monday, October 25, 2004

I think the author(s) realized they had written themselves into a hole in chapters 1-4, so in Genesis 5 they just pretended they never existed and started over, this time with SuperOldPeople!

Genesis 4 includes the story of Cain killing Abel.

After killing Abel, Cain is cast out of castaway land (you will recall that his mum and dad were already cast out of Eden), whereupon he "knew" his wife. The fuck? Where did SHE come from?

He also "builded" a city . . . for whom?

Later in the chapter, Eve gave birth to Seth, who later begot "Enos: then began men to call upon the name of the Lord."

Had they not been calling upon him before? Did the same dudes who write "Enterprise" write the Bible?

The entire staff of I'm Not The Droid You're Looking For (featuring Lil John) has determined that,

- because they are from the American League AND
- because they have a "designated hitter" AND
- because they suckered the Cubs into trading Lee Smith for Calvin Schiraldi and Al Nipper AND
- because they didn't love Nomar enough AND
- because they have stolen the "we don't ever win" spotlight from the rightful owners, fans of the Chicago Cubs

the Boston Red Sox are not to be rooted for.

The St Louis Cardinals are loathesome for other reasons, but they have none of the above characteristics and are therefore marginally deserving of our rooting.

This blog was born as, and remains, pro Cub and anti non-Cub. The Boston Red Sox are less Cub, on balance, than are the St Louis Cardinals and therefore deserve no pity.

HOWEVER: Red Sox fans are so fucking annoying with their "curse" that a Cub must wonder if it is not a bad thing for them to win. We must ask ourselves what sort of alternate reality one must live in to see a team that has been league champion several times since World War Two (and is a perennial playoff participant) as cursed, but accept that some people will only be satisfied by victory. Therefore, we see a silver lining to a Red Sox victory cloud. Their fans must, however, shut the fuck up henceforth (as did the onaCub, offaCub Indians fans, from whom one now hears pleasantly little).

For the record, all teams are more Cub than the Yankees (who couldn't
possibly be less Cub, and are in fact doubleplusunCub), and all teams EXCEPT the Yankees are less Cub than the Braves (plusunCub). The Devil Rays are pretty goddamned Cub (doubleplusCub, so far, despite being from Florida, which is a very unCub state). The Pirates were, until recently, very unCub, but have become increasingly Cub.

Also for the record: I count 15 winning seasons for the Cubs since 1945. Curse? Dood, I've got the you don't know the half of it dearie blues.

[All Cubs mourn the passing of the Expos, who were Les Cubs. DC is an unCub town, however.]

Thursday, October 21, 2004

I'm going to jot down the following story so that it will live on should my memory fail.

Long about 1993 or 1994, a Female Companion and I were swimming in Little Black Creek, just south of Hattiesburg, Mississippi (near Wiggins, if I recall and you care). Said Female Companion and I knew one another Biblically, and so swimming in an isolated bit of creek in the Mississippi summer turned our thoughts, naturally, to nudity and carnal behavior.

We were working towards sullying the creek with our love juices when, from 'round the bend, two older fellows in a canoe came a'canoein'. With great and deft haste, my Female Companion harnessed her breasts before the two older fellows could have cause to know (they may have guessed) what they had interrupted.

One of the older fellows bid us, in a Not From Around Here accent, hello and good day. We replied in kind, and wished the two fellows happy paddling. They thanked us and paddled on, seemingly happy.

As they left our part of the creek, one of the older fellows said to the other, apropos of nothing whatsoever, "Ya know, I hear they shot 700 moose up in Maine last year." To which the other replied "700!?! Damn! That's alotta moose!"

I have had very few truly absurd experiences in my life. That was one of them.

And yet. 700 IS a lot of moose. A damned lot. I can't even imagine 700 moose. Why would one shoot them? What was done with the moose? Were they eaten? Surely the good people of Maine don't eat THAT much moose! There are only a few thousand people in Maine anyway, and moose are HUGE. Everyone must have been wicked sick and tired of moose by the end of that year.

The election is coming up soon, so I figure now is just as good a time as any for


I predict that, 2 years from now . . .
US troops will still be fighting in Iraq;
Afghanistan will still be chaotic;
the drug war will still be crippling Colombia;
the US health care system will still be the shame of the industrialized world;
the US will still be resisting Kyoto and the International Criminal Court;
the US will still have the largest and fastest growing prison population in the world;
the War on Terrah will continue to distract citizens from real problems;
homosexuals will still not be able to have legal marriages in the US;
a conservative majority will control the Supreme Court;
Colin Powell will still have a government job.

That's right. I'm predicting that Carrie Edwards will be our next president.

Or not.

It doesn't much matter.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

I have read through the TRANSCRIPT now, and determined to write a more exhaustive examination of the debate. Before I wrote this I looked at a few blogs and listened to Air America, however, and was surprised to see how many people think Kerry won this one hands down. As I said before, Kerry was better on substance, but Dubyah has never gotten ANYWHERE on substance. His entire life has been built on style, and his style in this debate was up to his par.

This is as good a time as any to say that this election is a pretty good example of what the Dems generally get wrong but Clinton got right: Style is the key. I don’t think it should be, but it is. Yesterday Randi Rhodes was agonizing over how Dubyah can spout out stupid shit and people across America smile and say “I love dis guy!” Yep. That’s how they do it. That’s how Clinton did it. That’s how Reagan did it. That’s how Kennedy did it.


FIRST STUPID QUESTION: Will our children and grandchildren ever live in a world as safe and secure as the world in which we grew up?
HOW IT IS STUPID: Surely Bob Schieffer remembers the Cold War. In fact, I’m pretty sure (just from looking at him) that Bob remembers the Second World War. Safe and secure?
STUPID FIELDING: Kerry accepts Bob’s fucked up understanding of history and the premise that there was a Golden Age, not so long ago, to which we might return. Conservative much? Dubyah (who has a fucking history degree from Yale) does the same. He adds that we have “rid[ing] the Taliban out of Afghanistan”, which isn’t true (and, strictly speaking, isn’t possible under the rules of English grammar).

SECOND (arguably) STUPID QUESTION: Flu vaccine? The fuck?
STUPID FIELDING: Dubyah blames a company “out of England” (which is really a subsidiary of a company out of Amercuh AND THEN catches himself before saying that he’s hoping Canada (from which he blocks drug REimportation due to safety reasons) will save us, saying that they’ll “produce a -- help us realize the vaccine” Dood. And then he says young, healthy people shouldn’t get a flu shot. Surely he’s not talking of rationing health care? Oh yes he is.

NOT A STUPID QUESTION: Bob asks what Dubyah would say to people who have had their jobs outsourced.
DUBYAH RESPONDS (stupidly): clean yourself up, kid, and go to community college. Cuz software programmers are really suffrering from a lack of welding skills, you know.

EXCELLENT QUESTION: Do you believe homosexuality is a choice?
THE ANSWER was obviously awkward for Dubyah. Kerry did an OK job with it, except I don’t care for bringing Mary Cheney into this by name. Also, I’m NOT one of god’s children, Senator Churchy McChurch!

EXCELLENT QUESTION: Would you like to [overturn Roe]?
HILLARIOUS ANSWER: Dubyah couldn’t fucking come out and say it! Amazing. I can’t help but think lots of fetus fetishists out their got pissed at that answer.

MEMO TO KERRY AND DUBYAH: it is the Congressional Black Caucus, not the Black Congressional Caucus.

MY LEAST FAVORITE QUESTION OF THE NIGHT, as I say in the post below, was the “that little light of yours: are you gonna let it shine?” one. What a softball. While he was on it, he should have asked “Mr President, many Americans think dogs make excellent pets. Could you please tell us what you think of cute and fuzzy puppies?”

OH AND, BY THE WAY: if god wants everybody to be free, let him fuckin make em free. Can’t he just free everybody with a stroke of his godpen? Must we kill one another? Hello? God?

The god question, as you might imagine, touched a nerve with me. I didn’t like Kerry’s answer, either, although he did tip his hat to the rational among us, saying that we have the right not to practice religion. So.

THE FINAL QUESTION SUCKED AS BAD AS THE FIRST ONE: Mr President, Senator Kerry, I think we can all agree with Maurice Chevalier. Please join me now in singing “Thank Heaven for Little Girls”. Or, if you prefer, “It’s a Man’s, Man’s, Man’s World” by the Godfather of Soul.

Jesus H. Christ on a Rubber Crutch!

KERRY COULD HAVE SCORED POINTS, I reckon, by saying “Like many (most?) women in America, the women in my life have careers.” He could go on to say whatever it is that the women in his life do and then slide over into a shout out to the working moms out there, cuz Mama’s Always on Stage. But he didn’t. He just fell back on the whole domestic sphere thing: women are moral and keep their household and their men on the path of righteousness. Femmes covert?

DUBYAH’S ANSWER was what we might have expected. Kerry surprised me.

The final debate is over.

You know, I've got to say that this time Dubyah convinced me.

That he's an ass.

Actually I thought he performed fairly well. Kerry put in another strong performance. Of course, I'm only commenting on style when I say this. In terms of substance Kerry was good on attack but weak on defense. Dubyah was just plain weak.

The short version sounded like this to me:

Kerry thinks pretty much everything Dubyah has done either shouldn't have been done or was done incorrectly, and that lots of things that should have been done haven't been.

Dubyah thinks everything he's done has been done well and any problems are the result of other people fucking up.

To fix things, Kerry has A PLAN.

Dubyah says "Stay the course, a thousand points of light, stay the course."

The burden, unfair as it is, is on Kerry to convince people that his PLAN is needed. Dubyah just gets to sit back and repeat that there is nothing to see here and that we should all just return to our homes and places of business.

I think Dubayah is going to pull it off. Maybe this is just my fear typing.

The question of the night (paraphrased): Mr President, could you please tell us about your faith in the wonderworking power of the Lamb, and also, do you have the joy joy joy joy down in your heart? Senator Kerry, same question.


Right at the end, by the way, Kerry gave Dubyah a big clap on the back. Was he checking for the See 'n' Say?

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

The Onion. Nuff said.

You Want To See Some Goddamn Optimism?: "Let's work together to pave the way for a big, bright, beautiful fucking future for America, all right? So all the world can once again say, 'Hey, where's that warm, golden glow coming from? Why, it's coming from the U.S. of A., where cocks are thick, tits are perky, and sunbeams shine out of everyone's asses!'"

Monday, October 11, 2004

See Huey vs. Huey for a cartoon version of what is going on in my mind.

I hope something similar is going on in your mind.

I don't know nearly enough about Australia to know how fair THIS article is, but it strikes me as a decent description of a lot of US voters.

[found along the Road to Surfdom]

Sunday, October 10, 2004

Dubyah is an idiot.

In the second debate, by way of discussing Supreme Court appointments, he demonstrated a fairly profound misunderstanding of constitutional law.

"Another example would be the Dred Scott case, which is where judges, years ago, said that the Constitution allowed slavery because of personal property rights. That's a personal opinion. That's not what the Constitution says. The Constitution of the United States says we're all -- you know, it doesn't say that. It doesn't speak to the equality of America. And so, I would pick people that would be strict constructionists."


A quick reading of Dred Scott v. Sandford reveals that it is actually a model of strict constructionalist interpretation of the Constitution. I would be willing to bet that Uncle Clarence Thomas would have ruled with the majority on that one, had he been allowed.

Basically, the Constitution didn't forbid slavery (indeed, it didn't even mention it in any way until the passage of the 13th amendment) and, so, allowed it by default. The Justices in the Scott case determined that the various states had no right to deny the property rights of citizens of another state (in this case, Mr Scott was the property in question).

Of course, I'm no lawyer.

I do wish, however, that Dubyah had finished his thought and not stopped himself. He SOOOOO wanted to say "all men are created equal", which, of course, is not in the Constitution.

Anyway, I would love to know who fed him that Dred Scott line. They really should have gone with a different case. Maybe Plessy? Nah, too close to the hearts of most Repugnicans. Perhaps he should have gone after John Marshall (I hope I'm remembering correctly) and the whole crazy notion of judicial supremacy.

Friday, October 08, 2004

Hey, here is the story: I couldn't be a doctor in a land of plenty. Australia votes, you decide.

How can you mend a broken heart?

Genesis 3 is just plain weird.

Some high points for me: God has to search for Adam? God says Adam "is become as one of US"? ? What's the problem with being naked (I mean from the point of view of A and E, not the court of King James)? Did the serpent have legs before this? Why don't serpents eat dust? Why aren't girls afraid of serpents? Bread eating is punishment? The tree of life: still exists?

Because I've nothing better to do, I've decided to reread (yes, I've read it before, but it has been a while) the Bible (KJV). I will make cracks when cracks cross my mind.

Genesis 1, 28: "Be fruitful, and multiply" clear enough for the anti-abortionists "and replenish the earth" which could mean be environmentalists "and subdue it" which could mean be anti-environmentalists, particularly the "dominion" bit which follows.

Genesis 1, 29: Clearly the KJV God has no problem with smoking weed, as he has promised "every herb bearing seed" to folks for their sustenance.

More of this sort of thing shall follow.

Mount St Helens is a punk. See Observatorio Vulcanologico - UNIVERSIDAD DE COLIMA for current pictures of a cool volcano near where I used to live.

I once climbed the mountain from which the pictures were taken, and have a picture to prove it, but I have no idea how to post my picture. I reckon I could email it to you.

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Sara (who hasn't blogged in a while, but does still exist) and I were just chatting and I realized, in the course of our conversation, that Dubyah is a sexual freak and has been using 911 to get his rocks off. Consider:

-- taking off shoes on command? Classic fetish thang.
-- Abu Gah . . . raib. Say no more.
-- the general BDSM orgy that is Guantanamo Bay
-- the beheading snuff films (the first incarnation of which was the Uday/Qusay episode)
-- the preoccupation with caves and "spider holes"
-- the public grooming and cavity search of Saddam

There must be more to this theory. Particularly when one considers the best part (the thing Sara and I were talking about [don't ask why]):


Dood. Typing with one hand is hard work. Everybody knows that.

Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Ok. I have been assured by a trusted advisor that I saw just the bad bits. I feel better if that is the case.

Still, I was hoping to see blood and gore and guts and veins in the teeth (like that gay marriage roundhouse).

The fact that the debate Meeting Was Not First for Cheney, Edwards, actually strengthens my point. Why didn't Edwards turn that shit on IN THE FUCKING DEBATE rather than afterwards.

Would a little "did I not make much of an impression, Mr VP, or are you just incapable of telling the truth about anything?" have killed the guy?


I didn't see it all, due to it taking place in the middle of the night, but I saw a good bit of it.

To those of you who love the senator from North Carolina and are preparing to tell the world how well he did, let me just say that I must have missed all his good parts.

Cheney mopped the floor with that boy. The Medicare tax dodge? Snap! The "I've been going down to the senate every week for the past three years and I've just met you tonight"? SNAP!

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer got some licks in, but not enough. And he didn't seem prepared. How could he not have knocked Gwen Ifill's "experience" question out of the park? I mean, that one was obviously coming. His response "Um, er, John Kerry's got lots of experience." (I'm paraphrasing)

Here's what he should have said (or something like this): Gwen, I'm glad you asked. I've been proud to represent the great state of NC for the past X years. You're right: that's the extent of my experience witht the day to day workings of government, but it's not the extent of my experience. For X years I was a successful attorney, and in that capacity I also represented the people and fought for them when they had been wronged by big companies (he did, to his credit, say some of this). Now let's look at my opponent's experience: he was an aid in the failed and corrupt Nixon administration, Chief of Staff in the unelected and unpopular Ford administration (and by the way, Gwen, he presided over their failed campaign in '76), SecDef in the admin of Dubyahdaddy, where he did good work blah blah blah Gulfwarcakes, and deserves credit [not]. Now he's vice president in the worst presidency in X bujillion years."

Or something like that.

If Carrie Edwards doesn't get her act together but quick, she's going to get her ass whupped on election day.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Fox - the naked truth: "Mostly, Fox is no fun either - it's boring, repetitive junk, full of weird euphemistic language and tips on how to get pet smells out of your car. But often it is compelling, simply because its position-taking is so naked, so unrelated to proven truths, so coarse and, above all, so lacking in logical rigour that it thrills you with amused outrage, like playing Monopoly with someone who eats the money. "

What a great line!

If you are reading this, you do not exist.

You see, I went to high school with George Wilson. His dad played college football with Joe Namath. Namath was on "The Brady Bunch". That show did not exist.

Therefore, neither do you.

Lest you doubt me (which isn't possible, since I don't exist and you don't exist and are therefore not capable of doubting me), consider this: I have met Howard Johnson. He used to play baseball for the Birmingham Barons and, then, for the New York Mets. He was on the same championship team as Keith Hernandez, as it happens. Kramer and Newmann, you may recall, once accused Mr Hernandez of spitting on them and later befriended Jerry Seinfeld and Elaine Benes, thereby negating our collective existence.

A close examination of
THIS website will allow you to shuck off your realness once and for all.

EDITED TO ADD: There was a time in my life when I was an active Episcopalian (motto: wherever there are four Episcopals you'll find a fifth) and our parish used to reserve the diocesan camp (wonderful, wonderful Camp McDowell, beautiful queen of Clear Creek) for the weekend nearest Halloween. Once we shared the camp with the parish from Childersburg, Alabama. This was the home parish of Polly Holiday (TV's Flo from "Alice" and "Flo"). I have met Ms Holiday. We have spoken with one another. So anyway, Flo (I call her Flo) was in several episodes of the loathesome "Home Improvement" with Tim Allen. Mr Allen was in the excellent film "Galaxy Quest" with Sigourney Weaver, who was in "Aliens" with Bill Paxon. Paxon was in "Apollo 13" with Kevin Bacon.

Five steps. I'm just sayin'.

Friday, October 01, 2004

By the way, THIS is coming. The best part is, you don't have to get fingerprinted to come visit Germany.

Weelllllll . . . Thanks to the miracle of Dutch television, I was able to watch the debate just now (they were live at 3am, but I watched a replay at a more civilized hour: it's 10:47am now).

Before I answer your question, Jim, about how I thought Kerry did, let me first say this: several people have said recently that one shouldn't underestimate Dubyah, as he is a "good debater". Having seen him debate a few times now, I've come to believe that Dubyah is a good debater in the same sense that Doctor Phil is a good psychologist. In other words, he ain't. What he IS is a successful debater, insofar as he became governor of Texas and president of the US after having participated in debates. He really isn't any good at all when it comes to the parry and thrust of argument, however. A good debater, whatever the format, is someone who can argue a proposition in such a way as to convince a skeptic or someone who is undecided. Dubyah has demonstrated repeatedly that he is utterly incapable of convincing anyone of anything unless they are already disposed to agree with him or are STUPID.

Sadly, that may be enough. It don't make for "good", though.

Kerry, on the other hand, performed quite well in my opinion. One reason I am comfortable in saying that is that I went into it expecting him to fuck up (in other words, I was a skeptic). He was concise and clear, however. I thought he landed several really good punches, in fact, and did a great job of controlling the stage. Dubyah, by contrast, seemed to struggle on several occaisions, as evidenced by his inability to answer several questions and his CONSTANT blinking. I've never seen him blink like that before.

By the way, in the past several days I've seen Dubyah in this debate and when he was holding his press conference with YeeGad! Alawi and have noticed one thing come up over and over again:

It's hard work in Iraq. Everyone knows that!
What's going on in Iraq is hard work. The American people know that.
Lots of people are working hard in Iraq. I know that, and so do the American people . . . and so on.

I think this line appeals to Dubyah because he's never worked hard at anything in his fucking life, and therefore is genuinely astonished that things aren't going his way. Some Rover probably thinks that the great unwashed will hear it at think "yeah! Hard work! I work hard, TOO! I'm gonna vote for Dubyah!" and they may be right.