Ok.

I washed my hands of my job today. Finished. School's out forever. And yet I have no real sense of closure. What is wrong?

The Israeli army is tearing through Gaza. I thought they wanted to pull OUT of there! Didn't that shitbag Sharon just say the other day that he wanted out of Gaza? What is wrong?

Sonja Ghandi won't be the prime minister of India after all. So her party wins and she is the leader and she can't take office for fear of Hindu nationalists. What is wrong?

Randy Johnson pitched a perfect game tonight. Randy Johnson is not a Cub. What is wrong?

The mosquitos have returned to my balcony (sorta like the swallows or the monarch butterflies) despite the fact that we haven't had any rain or standing water. What is wrong?

I've got to go get my rear shocks (or struts, or whatever you call those springy things that aren't springs that my car has) replaced tomorrow. What is wrong?

I've figured out what is wrong. It's the gays with their marriage. Ever since that started the world has been going to shit.

To make matters worse, I learned a few minutes ago that not only are agents of the Mexican foreign ministry outside my door, waiting to violently eject me from the country, but that I am to be flown straight to Boston. Even scarier is that all of my identity cards now show me to be a Massachussetts resident. Worst of all, the same thing has happened to Birgit AND she's suddenly become a man! It seems that we are to be forcibly gaymarried and made to adopt children.

The only good news is that, when the draft rolls around, I'm golden.