ROUND FIVE Starting with Bill Richardson (asterisk) and Glenn Close (asterisk) and continuing through the Return of the King.

If I never hear “Amazing Grace” again it will be too soon. I blame “Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan”. You know that song was written by reformed slave trader, right?

By the way: Bill Clinton is simply a masterful public speaker. He’s a disingenuous ass, make no mistake about it, but he fucking OWNS the stage.

And speaking of owning the stage: Patti LaBelle finds chunks of folks like Christina Aguilera in her STOOLS (to paraphrase Phil Hartman’s Frank Sinatra)!

TOTAL PEOPLE SPEAKING (27, 13**, 7*, 10***) 7* = 65 (including repeats)
DIFFERENT STATES REPRESENTED (14, 6*, 6, 6**) 5** = 20 (I counted funny)
STATES OF THE FORMER CONFEDERACY REPRESENTED (3.5, 2, 2, 1) 1 = 6.5

My verdict on states: I would have had more diversity, and I seriously don’t understand the lack of Southerners.

MEN (15, 9**, 4, 6**) 4* = 38 (including repeats)
WOMEN (12, 4, 3, 4*) 4* = 28 (including repeats)

My verdict: I think it’s fairly obvious that the Democrats are just eat up with feminism (not).

SEEMINGLY WHITE (12, 10*, 4, 4) 4 = 35 (including repeat)
SEEMINGLY BLACK (5, 2, 2, 1*) 1 = 12 (including repeat)
SEEMINGLY HISPANIC (6, 0, 0, 3*) 0 = 9 (including repeat)
UNCLEAR/CLEARLY MIXED (2, 0, 1*, 1*) 1 = 5 (including Richardson)
SEEMINGLY ASIAN (2, 1, 0, 0) 1 = 4
SEEMINGLY AMERICAN INDIAN (0, 0, 0, 0) 0 = 0

My verdict: Whitey FINALLY gets a convention for himself!

IDENTIFIABLY GAY (2, 0, 0, 0) 0 = 2
SEEMINGLY HANDICAPPED (0, 1, 0, 0) 0 = 1

My verdict: Clearly not engaging in tokenism. Yeesh.

CARRIE EDWARDS MENTIONED (2, 0, 3, 0) 0 = 5
USES OF SPANISH (4, 1, 0, 3) 0 = 8
REFERENCES TO STOLEN ELECTION (0, 4, 7, 0) 0 = 11
REFERENCE TO NADER VOTERS (0, 0, 1, 0) 0 = 1 (reaching out?)
SIDEWAYS SMACK AT BUSH’S MILITARY RECORD (0, 0, 0, 2) 0 = 2
“JOHNNY B. GOODE” PLAYED (1, 0 , 0, 1) 0 = 2
USE OF WORD NEWKILLER (1, 0, 0, 1) 0 = 2
“DON’T STOP” PLAYED (for Billary) = 1

STATES REPRESENTED (earlier rounds in parentheses):
UNKNOWN BY GREG (4, 7, 1, 0) 3 = 15 in night 1
CALIFORNIA (6, 1, 1, 2) 1* = 11 in night 1
NEW MEXICO (3, 0, 1*, 1*) 1* = 6 in night 1 (Richardson is a ringer)
MARYLAND (2, 2**, 1, 0) 0 = 5 in night 1
TEXAS (2, 1, 0, 0) 0 = 3 in night 1
OHIO (1, 0, 1, 1) 0 = 3 in night 1
NEW YORK (1, 0, 0, 0) 2 = 3 in night 1
FLORIDA (1, 1, 0, 0) 0 = 2 in night 1
GEORGIA (1, 0, 0, 1) 0 = 2 in night 1
WISCONSIN (0, 0, 0, 2) 0 = 2 in night 1
NEW JERSEY (1, 0, 0, 1*) 0 = 2 in night 1
ARKANSAS (0, 0, 1, 1) 0 = 2 in night 1
MASSACHUSSETTS (0, 1, 0, 0) 1 = 2 in night 1
CONNECTICUT (1, 0, 0, 0) 0 = 1 in night 1
ILLINOIS (0, 1, 0, 0) 0 = 1 in night 1
IOWA (1, 0, 0, 0) 0 = 1 in night 1
MICHIGAN (1, 0, 0, 0) 0 = 1 in night 1
PENNSYLVANIA (1, 0, 0, 0) 0 = 1 in night 1
SOUTH CAROLINA (0, 0, 0, 0) 1 = 1 in night 1
TENNESSEE (0, 0, 1, 0) 0 = 1 in night 1
WEST VIRGINIA (1, 0, 0, 0) 0 = 1 in night 1

THE REST OF THE COUNTRY AND THE WORLD WAS IGNORED. FASCINATING.

ROUND FIVE BREAKDOWN
a white/hispanic man from NM (Bill R., who will never be counted again in any way)
a white woman from California (Glenn Close)
a central Asian (?) woman from somewhere (Haleema Salie)
a white man from Massachussetts (Gabe Lefkowitz) plays “Amazing Grace”
a black man from South Carolina (David Alston)
a white woman from New York [right! hehe] (Hillary Clinton)
a white man from New York [laughable?] (Bill Clinton)
a black woman from Heaven (Patti LaBelle)
a white woman from somewhere (Roberta Hestenes, a preacher of some sort)

And one final note: there was more than a diaperload of God in this night’s events. The fuck is up with that?