Monday, October 25, 2004

The entire staff of I'm Not The Droid You're Looking For (featuring Lil John) has determined that,

- because they are from the American League AND
- because they have a "designated hitter" AND
- because they suckered the Cubs into trading Lee Smith for Calvin Schiraldi and Al Nipper AND
- because they didn't love Nomar enough AND
- because they have stolen the "we don't ever win" spotlight from the rightful owners, fans of the Chicago Cubs

the Boston Red Sox are not to be rooted for.

The St Louis Cardinals are loathesome for other reasons, but they have none of the above characteristics and are therefore marginally deserving of our rooting.

This blog was born as, and remains, pro Cub and anti non-Cub. The Boston Red Sox are less Cub, on balance, than are the St Louis Cardinals and therefore deserve no pity.

HOWEVER: Red Sox fans are so fucking annoying with their "curse" that a Cub must wonder if it is not a bad thing for them to win. We must ask ourselves what sort of alternate reality one must live in to see a team that has been league champion several times since World War Two (and is a perennial playoff participant) as cursed, but accept that some people will only be satisfied by victory. Therefore, we see a silver lining to a Red Sox victory cloud. Their fans must, however, shut the fuck up henceforth (as did the onaCub, offaCub Indians fans, from whom one now hears pleasantly little).

For the record, all teams are more Cub than the Yankees (who couldn't
possibly be less Cub, and are in fact doubleplusunCub), and all teams EXCEPT the Yankees are less Cub than the Braves (plusunCub). The Devil Rays are pretty goddamned Cub (doubleplusCub, so far, despite being from Florida, which is a very unCub state). The Pirates were, until recently, very unCub, but have become increasingly Cub.

Also for the record: I count 15 winning seasons for the Cubs since 1945. Curse? Dood, I've got the you don't know the half of it dearie blues.

[All Cubs mourn the passing of the Expos, who were Les Cubs. DC is an unCub town, however.]


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